Very funny on almost every page, wonderfully selfdeprecating and very sharp on the ludicrous behaviour of the modern player Sunday TimesThe funniest man in British sport MetroA Sunday Times Sports Book of the YearShortlisted for the National Book AwardsLonglisted for the Telegraph Sports Book Awards Autobiography of the YearYou become a footballer because you love football. And then you are a footballer, and youre suddenly in the strangest, most baffling world of all. A world where one teammate comes to training in a bright red suit with matching tophat, cane and glasses, without any actual glass in them, and another has so many sports cars they forget they have left a Porsche at the train station. Even when their surname is incorporated in the registration plate. So walk with me into the dressingroom, to find out which players refuse to touch a football before a game, to discover why a load of millionaires never have any showergel, and to hear what Cristiano Ronaldo says when he looks at himself in the mirror. We will go into postmatch interviews, make fools of ourselves on social media and try to ensure that we never again pay 250 for a haircut that should have cost a tenner. Well be coached and cajoled by Harry Redknapp, upset Rafa Benitez and be soothed by the sound of an accordion played by SvenGoran Erikssons assistant Tord Grip. There will be some very bad music and some very bad decisions. I am Peter Crouch. This is How To Be A Footballer. Shall we?

Binding: Paperback;304 pages; Publisher: TBS-Penguin Random House Wholesale; Classification: BGSA; Weight: 344 g; Dimensions: 128 x 196 x 20

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